The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
