Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
