I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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