i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
