So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize