Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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