This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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