party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
