I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
