his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
