Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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