and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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