I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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