She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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