I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
