"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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