last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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