you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
