wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
