I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
