I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
