I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
