i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
