Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
