he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
