I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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