you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
