I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
