??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
