a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
