There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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