how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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