Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
