i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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