I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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