If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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