living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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