you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
