why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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