you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
