Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
