Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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