Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
