mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
