I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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