we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
