yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
