Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
