you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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