Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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