babies were throwing up all over the place
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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