dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
