I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
