You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why is there bacon in the couch?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
