In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize