dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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