we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize