May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
