I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
