Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
