idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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