i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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