Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
