Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
