He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize