Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
