when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
