just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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