I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
